While my daughter and I were enjoying a pleasant Saturday morning breakfast, she looked up from her bowl of Lucky Charms and challenged my intellect with a typical question from a child, posed to prove my stupidity.
“Why do we yawn?”
Being that it was Saturday, and morning no less, my mind wasn’t prepared for such a challenge. Usually, I’m focused on the magically delicious marshmallow bits of “Hearts, Stars, and Horseshoes, Clovers, and Blue Moons! Pots of Gold and Rainbows, and me Red Balloons!” However, I could tell that this was one of those questions my daughter would keep asking me until I gave her an answer. I wasn’t sure exactly why we yawn but lack of knowledge never stopped me before from giving an answer I passed off as truth.
“Well honey, we yawn when there is a lack of oxygen in our body.” My response was short, to the point and very Marcus Welby-like in delivery. She replied,
“So, if we take extra deep breaths, we can stop yawning?” I could tell my answer only opened up a Pandora’s box of more questions, when really, all I wanted to do was shut my brain off and enjoy my marshmallow treats. So I did what most responsible parents would do in my situation. I told her,
“No. If you take too many deep breaths, you can get tumors!” I know, the reply made no sense but the threat of tumors usually quiets the inquisitive mind of a child. Just then, my wife walked in and added,
“Why don’t you tell her the Robbie Benson story?” Damn her!!
As you all know, Robbie Benson was a movie acting genius in the late 70’s and early 80’s and I’m certain, will be sharing his thespian talents once again, here in the zero’s. A few years back, I found myself alone in the house with nothing to do and nothing on T.V. As I flicked around the channels, I came upon a movie starring Robbie Benson. I stopped and started watching. It was about a hockey player who had the hots for this bitchy, ice skater chick, who did nothing but whine and then fell on some ice and went blind. It was fascinatingly terrible but I couldn’t stop watching. I had to see just how bad the movie could get. At the end, Robbie walks down on the ice at a big competition and helps the blind girl finish her performance. During the last minutes of the movie, I let out a huge yawn. It was one of those really long, deep yawns, so deep it made my eyes water. As I wiped the yawn tears from my eyes, my wife walked in the room. She looked at the T.V., then at me and while shaking her head in disappointed shock asked,
“Are you crying during “Ice Castles?” Damn that Robbie Benson!!
The concept of yawning is quite remarkable. I believe it’s the human species polite and discreet way, in which to communicate to others, the message…
“For the love of God, you’re boring the shit out of me!!!!”
There are some interesting reactions are body includes along with a good yawn. For some, yawning opens up the taste buds for the briefest of moments, allowing one to taste the inside of your mouth. After the yawn, you can see a person engaged in such a tasting by the continued smacking of lips together and napping of spit. This is usually followed by an unpleasant, soured facial expression, as the yawner realizes the inside of his/her mouth tastes indeed, like crap. The next biggest yawn lasts a few moments longer than the tasting yawn but is a bit more embarrassing. The extended agape mouth allows ample time for a long, steady stream of hot drool to drip from the side of your lips. It usually soaks a thin line down your shirt and causes the yawner to look around in shock and tell the nearest person whom may have seen them drool,
“Oh my god. Did you see that? Look at this! I yawned so hard it made me drool!” It’s the only time I can think of when a grown person will ask another grown person to look at their spit. Lastly, there’s the mother of all yawns, which I call the Epileptic yawn. I once stayed awake for 40 hours straight. I did this because I was young and liquor was involved. I was at a wedding, on a first/last date with a girl, who unfortunately bore witness to this rarest of yawns. While sitting at the table, I felt a yawn coming on. Innocently enough, I leaned back in my chair and opened up for a large, but manageable yawn. During the yawn, from out of nowhere, a second, even larger yawn overtook me. I was in the clutches of the seldom seen double yawn and I was helpless. The force caused me lean further back, nearly toppling over backward. I would’ve certainly fell over if not for my quick thinking to violently clutch a wad of my date’s hair from the back of her head. With my free hand, I pounded repeatedly on the table trying to get much needed air. I could feel tears rolling down my face and drool running down my neck. I was helpless. Al I could do was pound on the table for air and pull that hair. Eventually, I regained my composure only to find my date wanted to go home early. Go figure.
I’d like to share with you, some compelling observations about the yawn, in general. I believe that yawns were invented by Catholics in the 5th century and the first yawn ever was given birth during a really boring sermon at Sunday Mass. Another person across the church, upon catching sight of the first yawn, could not stop himself from yawning. This chain of yawning kept on during mass and was brought forth to the world where it continues to this day. In fact, the next time you’re at church, Christmas or Easter for those honest enough to tell the truth, look around and witness the yawning chain for yourself. Amazingly, the yawn is the only bodily function I know that we automatically respond to. I don’t cough when someone coughs. I don’t sneeze when someone sneezes. I don’t fart when someone farts, although I try like the dickens to do so, just to top their efforts. In fact, I’ve blown out a neck vein, and some under shorts, trying to flatulently battle back.
The yawn is quite a mystery. I’m curious. I’d like you to be honest and help me out with an experiment. Just how many times during this article, did you yawn? 1-2 and you were mildly bored. 3-4 and I bored the shit out of you. 5-6 and you and I can go see the next Robbie Benson movie together. In the hour and a half it took me to write this, I yawned 18 times! Leave your number in the “comments” tab. I’d be interested to know how boring I can be.
“Why do we yawn?”
Being that it was Saturday, and morning no less, my mind wasn’t prepared for such a challenge. Usually, I’m focused on the magically delicious marshmallow bits of “Hearts, Stars, and Horseshoes, Clovers, and Blue Moons! Pots of Gold and Rainbows, and me Red Balloons!” However, I could tell that this was one of those questions my daughter would keep asking me until I gave her an answer. I wasn’t sure exactly why we yawn but lack of knowledge never stopped me before from giving an answer I passed off as truth.
“Well honey, we yawn when there is a lack of oxygen in our body.” My response was short, to the point and very Marcus Welby-like in delivery. She replied,
“So, if we take extra deep breaths, we can stop yawning?” I could tell my answer only opened up a Pandora’s box of more questions, when really, all I wanted to do was shut my brain off and enjoy my marshmallow treats. So I did what most responsible parents would do in my situation. I told her,
“No. If you take too many deep breaths, you can get tumors!” I know, the reply made no sense but the threat of tumors usually quiets the inquisitive mind of a child. Just then, my wife walked in and added,
“Why don’t you tell her the Robbie Benson story?” Damn her!!
As you all know, Robbie Benson was a movie acting genius in the late 70’s and early 80’s and I’m certain, will be sharing his thespian talents once again, here in the zero’s. A few years back, I found myself alone in the house with nothing to do and nothing on T.V. As I flicked around the channels, I came upon a movie starring Robbie Benson. I stopped and started watching. It was about a hockey player who had the hots for this bitchy, ice skater chick, who did nothing but whine and then fell on some ice and went blind. It was fascinatingly terrible but I couldn’t stop watching. I had to see just how bad the movie could get. At the end, Robbie walks down on the ice at a big competition and helps the blind girl finish her performance. During the last minutes of the movie, I let out a huge yawn. It was one of those really long, deep yawns, so deep it made my eyes water. As I wiped the yawn tears from my eyes, my wife walked in the room. She looked at the T.V., then at me and while shaking her head in disappointed shock asked,
“Are you crying during “Ice Castles?” Damn that Robbie Benson!!
The concept of yawning is quite remarkable. I believe it’s the human species polite and discreet way, in which to communicate to others, the message…
“For the love of God, you’re boring the shit out of me!!!!”
There are some interesting reactions are body includes along with a good yawn. For some, yawning opens up the taste buds for the briefest of moments, allowing one to taste the inside of your mouth. After the yawn, you can see a person engaged in such a tasting by the continued smacking of lips together and napping of spit. This is usually followed by an unpleasant, soured facial expression, as the yawner realizes the inside of his/her mouth tastes indeed, like crap. The next biggest yawn lasts a few moments longer than the tasting yawn but is a bit more embarrassing. The extended agape mouth allows ample time for a long, steady stream of hot drool to drip from the side of your lips. It usually soaks a thin line down your shirt and causes the yawner to look around in shock and tell the nearest person whom may have seen them drool,
“Oh my god. Did you see that? Look at this! I yawned so hard it made me drool!” It’s the only time I can think of when a grown person will ask another grown person to look at their spit. Lastly, there’s the mother of all yawns, which I call the Epileptic yawn. I once stayed awake for 40 hours straight. I did this because I was young and liquor was involved. I was at a wedding, on a first/last date with a girl, who unfortunately bore witness to this rarest of yawns. While sitting at the table, I felt a yawn coming on. Innocently enough, I leaned back in my chair and opened up for a large, but manageable yawn. During the yawn, from out of nowhere, a second, even larger yawn overtook me. I was in the clutches of the seldom seen double yawn and I was helpless. The force caused me lean further back, nearly toppling over backward. I would’ve certainly fell over if not for my quick thinking to violently clutch a wad of my date’s hair from the back of her head. With my free hand, I pounded repeatedly on the table trying to get much needed air. I could feel tears rolling down my face and drool running down my neck. I was helpless. Al I could do was pound on the table for air and pull that hair. Eventually, I regained my composure only to find my date wanted to go home early. Go figure.
I’d like to share with you, some compelling observations about the yawn, in general. I believe that yawns were invented by Catholics in the 5th century and the first yawn ever was given birth during a really boring sermon at Sunday Mass. Another person across the church, upon catching sight of the first yawn, could not stop himself from yawning. This chain of yawning kept on during mass and was brought forth to the world where it continues to this day. In fact, the next time you’re at church, Christmas or Easter for those honest enough to tell the truth, look around and witness the yawning chain for yourself. Amazingly, the yawn is the only bodily function I know that we automatically respond to. I don’t cough when someone coughs. I don’t sneeze when someone sneezes. I don’t fart when someone farts, although I try like the dickens to do so, just to top their efforts. In fact, I’ve blown out a neck vein, and some under shorts, trying to flatulently battle back.
The yawn is quite a mystery. I’m curious. I’d like you to be honest and help me out with an experiment. Just how many times during this article, did you yawn? 1-2 and you were mildly bored. 3-4 and I bored the shit out of you. 5-6 and you and I can go see the next Robbie Benson movie together. In the hour and a half it took me to write this, I yawned 18 times! Leave your number in the “comments” tab. I’d be interested to know how boring I can be.
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